real cats...
....never eat from bowls (at least, not the ones marked CAT)
....never wear flea collars...or appear on birthday cards...or chase anything with a bell in it.
....do eat quiche. And giblets. And butter. And anything else left on the table. They can hear a fridge door opening two rooms away.
....don't need names. But they often get called them.
"Yaargeroffoutofityarbastard" does nicely...